Bitch-Back! Stop Torturing Kristen!

Dear Ted:
I don't know if your latest post (Addictionary) did more good or harm to Kristen Stewart. Bless her heart. That is one tough cookie, and I for one am glad she knows how to use her middle finger. Mine would have calluses by now. This is a lady who will go far in life. She has just the right amount of femininity and kick ass. Rob is one lucky boy!
—Jennifer

Dear Spunky Stewart:
Oh, I know Kristen can handle all the unnecessary crap that's coming her way. I just needed a good word to describe it. She can take everything we can throw, fer sure.

Dear Ted:
What do you think of Sarah Palin's latest shenanigans? Do you think she really has a shot at becoming president in 2012 or later, like some of the GOP pundits are saying? Or is she fated to become a female Rush Limbaugh? Also any news on why she quit?
—Ellen

Dear Chanceless:
Sarah stands as good of a chance at being president in 2012 as Robsten do of becoming prez and vice prez. Not a bad idea, actually. Should Kristen be president while she lets Rob Pattinson have the easier, cushier time of it? By the way, Palin quit because she's deranged and because she knows the knives are out for her big time, she wanted to head them off at the scandal-laden pass, as it were.

Dear Ted:
My daughter's roommate mentioned today that she gets all of her gossip from Perez Hilton, especially the Twilight stuff. After I calmed myself down and after laughing hysterically, I informed her that his gossip comes exclusively from my main man, Ted, and she needs to get the goods from the A.T. and not some second-hand source. They are only 19, just college kids, but they need to learn gossip the correct way, right?
—Annie

Dear One Way:
I'll let it slide, just this once.

Dear Ted:
Not that she's obligated to the public or anything, and also, I am aware that Farrah Fawcett also died that day, but I haven't heard or read anything from Tatum O'Neal about Michael Jackson's death. If someone writes a song about you, a comment might be in order. Whaddya think?
—Jules

Dear Touchy Subject:
Not only did she already release a statement about Michael's death, but she also recently opened up about their relationship in a nutshell. But even if you missed those, it's still a tough situation for her, don't you think? Hard one to call.

Dear Ted:
"Being miserable. Totally over it. (I am, too.)" Oh no, please don't do this to me. You know I am your special Mexican fan, and I beg you to explain this to me. I'm not a girl anymore. I can handle the Awful Truth. Robsten are no longer together, right? Tell me, Ted. I promise I won´t cry (well, one or two tears).
—Valeria

Dear Misery Loves Company:
Don't worry your pretty little head. Robsten's still the real deal.

Dear Ted:
Just a comment. The way the Jacksons put Michael's children on show like that was truly pathetic. Janet Jackson should win an Oscar for her performance as a loving aunt because that's all it was, a performance. Poor kids don't stand a chance.
—K

Dear Skeptic:
Acting or not (and I say not), you gotta feel for that moment when young Paris crumbles into Aunt Janet's arms. Still, I'm sure some of this newly kindled limelight is being used to full potential by some other members of the Jackson clan.

Dear Ted:
Is there some standard for mourning that I don't know about? Why exactly did you bash Diana Ross for not attending Michael Jackson's funeral? The dead don't care how anyone mourns—funerals are for the living (at worst, so they can judge others). Whatever helps you through tough times; it can be much more healing to grieve in private rather than at a PR circus like Jackson's funeral.
—MKL

Dear What's the Diff:
If Diana wanted to grieve privately, cool, I can respect that. But she sent out a halfass press release! It's all or nothing in this town, babe. She could have at least been a little more candid as to why she decided to play hooky from the funeral for the father-of-her-possibly-future-adopted-children.

Dear Ted:
I love all the Robsten info and wasn't really into blogging before reading yours. I wanted to know if Brad and Angelina got all this heat and nasty feedback before they officially came out as a couple? Thanks for all your info and keep it coming.
—Amanda

Dear Ya Think?
Did they ever! Think of Robsten times a million. But Brange was sure to be outted since they were getting superserious, adopting left and right.

Dear Ted:
With the obvious exception of the sex tape, which helped catapult Paris to fame (or notoriety), why is it that none of her ex's seem to cash in on dating her after it's over? Could it possibly be out of respect? My instincts say no, but who am I to say? On a side note, I love the way you report your gossip! Witty, charming and perfectly biting. Your writing style is truly unique, fun and engaging.
—RTKO

Dear Not So Much:
Good taste in gossip bloggers, bad taste in men. Nice would not categorize any of the slew of men Paris has conquered—now or ever.

Dear Ted:
Love your column, been reading it for years, but I've never seen you as obsessed with a subject as you are with Robsten! Well, maybe Toothy Tile. Are focusing on them so much because they are the hot thing that will bring people to your column?
—Marcy

Dear We're Not Superficial!
If you look in the A.T. archives (which are stuffed with mucho dishy non-Robsten stories), you can see how my love for Rob, Kristen and subsequently Robsten, has grown over the past year—regardless of the headlines surrounding them. Sure, they're hot, but that's not the only reason why I love them. They're a screw-the-rest-of-'em renegade duo, and that's what I feel—honestly—takes them to the next level.

Dear Ted:
I have a question: Did Kristen call it quits with her boyfriend?
—Lil Lady

Dear State the Obvious:
Which one?

Dear Ted:
I've heard speculation that the real reason we haven't seen Nikki Reed is because she was feeding info to the media and paparazzi. Summit found out and now has her on lockdown. Do you think this is true? Also, I totally thought Terry Tush-Trade was Kellan Lutz, but you said something in response to another guess that made me think it could be one of the human castmembers...any clues?
—20-something and Twi obsessed.

Dear Close for Comfort:
If you remember my Truth, Lies & Ted a while back, you'll know that the cast suspected Nik of selling them out. I think that's what got her ousted by the Twi in-crowd. But she'll be back in with them, trust me on this one.

Dear Ted:
Diane Lane, the sexy, classy, beautiful, talented, fun actress is being cheated on? Well I guess most people have to deal with that painful heartbreaker. Brigitte Bardot got cheated on too! Can you imagine that—even B.B., just to name one of the most beautiful women who got betrayed. What does it take to be faithful to a woman, Ted?
—Ornetari

Dear It Breaks My Heart (and Theirs, Too):
Adultery is the oldest crime in the book, sweetheart, and it never gets any easier to explain why someone cheats. People do crazy things when they follow their hearts...or in some cases, just their hard-ons.

Dear Ted:
Has David Boreanaz ever been a Blind Vice? He seems like the nice guy. True?
—Nid

Dear Boring-anaz:
Uh, not always. And the answer is most definitely yes.

Dear Ted:
I love your blog and as a 17-year-old, die-hard Twilight-obsessed freak, I love your Robsten updates. Surprisingly my question has nothing to do with Robsten. Has Hayden Panettiere ever been a Blind Vice? If so, I know exactly which one.
—Pink Tweet

Dear Give Me a Harder One:
Oh, do you? Well, then, I guess you don't need me to tell you Hayden most certainly has been the subject of a Vice—or two.